Tuesday, May 15, 2007

They Call Me Mom

Mother's Day has always been a bitter sweet day for me. For more years than I care to remember it was a painful reminder that I was not a mother though I longed to be one. Then I lost my own mother and my heart still hasn't fully healed. This Mother's Day I found myself struggling to let go of my dream of becoming a mother to another child as my husband finally closed the door on another adoption. Not an easy one for me. Mother's Day also reminds me that there are people I love dearly that have hoped and prayed for a child and still have empty arms. I share their pain.

I know, I know. You say "How can you feel this way when you have two beautiful, healthy, amazing children to love and hold?" Molly and Aidan are my world. I feel blessed that they are mine. I consider it a great privilege and honor to be their mother. I KNOW that I am their mother. I see it in their eyes, hear it in their voices and feel it in their touch. This is the sweet part of Mother's Day for me. But I feel this everyday.

On a much, much lighter note....In a short span of time I've gone from mama, to mommy, to mom. How did this happen? Molly and Aidan are only 2 1/2. Today as I was doing the dishes Aidan approached me with a paper in his hand and said "Here Allison, I drew this for you." Mom isn't sounding too bad now.


dkeogh said...

Belated Happy Mothers Day Ali!!! I think any of us who have gone through infertility of are loss Mom's know it is very possible to be very happy for what we do have and at the same time sad for what is missing in our lives!! Big hugs to you that your Mom is not here with you and I am sorry for your sadness about the door closing on another adoption. I would be open (but not desperately yearning ) to adopt another child but I know my husband believes our family is complete........hopefully things will resolve for you. I am so glad to see your hubs is feeling better from surgery. I laughed about Aiden calling you Allison, I remember Ashling going through that phase, I am Mary Elizabeth, she is Ashling Elizabeth and well for a while my husband was called David Elizabeth by her in a very loud voice!!!

Enjoy your two kids.....we all know what little miracles our kids are.....they really do give us a life!


jeneflower said...

I like mama better than mom. I tried to teach that to all of my boys, but it was a no go- it always turned into mom very quickly. I don't know why. Pineapple says mama and mom. I am sure it will turn into just mom soon. But I would be really taken back if she called me jennefer. I think I would start to laugh!

I am glad that you had your little ones for mother's day and could celebrate with them! I hope they help to heal your heart.